When you spread forth your hands, I will hide my eyes from you;
Yes, when you make many prayers, I will not hear.
Your hands are full of blood.
Wash yourselves, make yourself clean.
Put away the evil of your doings from before my eyes;
Cease to do evil.
Learn to do well.
Relieve the oppressed,
Judge the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.
Jesus said, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto the Lord what is the Lord’s”.
The Lord gets the soul and Caesar gets the taxes. This is very important because we have come so far from being able to clearly make that distinction. It may be easy to say what is Caesar’s—it is the price, in coin, that we pay for anything material. It is the rendering of that which is of the material to the material. Yet, when it comes to what is the Lords we become a little lost. So, let us specify some of those things which belong to the Lord. These things are: our compassion, our faith, our hope, and above all—our adherence to the most important of Commandments, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. This commandment translates into the Golden Rule, “Do unto others that which you would have others do unto you”.
When we do not live up to that Golden Rule, then we are rendering unto Caesar what is the Lords. When our material gain requires the loss of someone else’s faith, or hope, or even life—we are rendering unto Caesar what belongs to God. So it is also when we are not living our lives with compassion, love and forgiveness. For what is Caesar’s is not simply those things of Mammon—gold, silver, or wealth. What is Caesars are greed, envy, judgment, hatred, and revenge. If we take from others or cause directly or indirectly their harm for the sake of those emotions, then, we are rendering unto Caesar what belongs to God.
If, to succeed in the world of Mammon, as it was known then, or Capitalism as it is known now, we feel that we must render unto Caesar what belongs to God, then, regardless of how we justify ourselves we are stealing from God. This is why Jesus said that man cannot serve two masters:
No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.”
This was not an admonition—it was a statement of fact. Yet, He also says that if we first seek the Kingdom of Heaven, all else will be added unto us. What this means is that if we live by the Golden Rule, show justice, compassion, love and forgiveness—whatever material gain we do receive, and we will receive it, will be blessed by the Spiritual. This is the blessing of the age to come. It will be that of balance. All will give and therefore all will receive, all will share therefore all will have—and what they have will be imbued with the qualities of generosity and love. The Lord and Caesar will be one—the essence of the Lord in the world.
How do we get so lost? It happens little by little, like all paths that lead away from God. We make little, almost unnoticeable compromises, that we, perhaps promise ourselves that we will later undo, or make right. Then it is as if we become lost in a fog that becomes thicker and thicker the farther we go. Soon, the compromises grow larger and larger and our resolve to make right transforms into our justification that we are right. Finally, we are either too lost to find our way back or too mesmerized by the glitter ahead of us to want to.
This is where man is today. We have over the past millennium become so lost in the world of the senses that we have decided it is where we should be. It makes no difference whether that world consists of our mansions, our corporations and our big cars—or the superiority of our religion over that of any other. It is only a matter of exchanging one worldly obsession for another because in all cases the cost of sustaining our obsession is born by our souls. Whether we are willing to kill for oil, kill for country, or kill for God—the result is the same—a broken commandment.
Yet, mankind’s destiny of harmony is fated to be learned through conflict—it is how we grow as individuals, as families, as nations and as a species. Over the past two thousand years it has been the conflict between the spiritual and the material, and between the heart and the mind, good and evil. Yet in the new age we will unite heart and mind to form Wisdom and through that wisdom we will unite the spiritual that is within us with the material that we are made of and spirit will truly inhabit the flesh and God will inhabit the world.
The lessons of this age have been carried in through the words of Jesus Christ for He ushered in the age of Pisces. Many times in His sayings He mentions the “end of this age”, that phrase is synonymous with Judgment Day. It is the day that this generation graduates. I believe that this day is not a day but a time—a period of years, perhaps decades—which will fully bring us into the Age of Aquarius. Christ said, “…For there are five trees for you in Paradise that remain undisturbed summer and winter and whose leaves do not fall. Whoever becomes aquatinted with them will not experience death”. The trees are Faith, Charity, Joy, Peace and Hope.
His teachings were the same teachings as all of the prophets before him, yet, they were like the mustard seed in their growth around the world. Many people now, in the Christian world are talking about the ascension in flesh. This certainly seems like the best time to ascend. I believe that we do not really understand what that means. The physical world is a world of death. It is the valley of the shadow of death, because death is all around us, yet our souls walk through the shadow of death because our souls never experience it. By this time many of us are realizing that heaven is within not in some place out there. Since heaven is within, then we must certainly ascend to Heaven while we are in the flesh. This ascension is finding God or Spirit within ourselves and living it in our lives. Christ says, “For he (man) did not find it in the day he was in the body, so that he will not find it in the Day of Judgment”. It is stated in other words in Hebrews 12:14 “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord”
We must live this commandment that was stressed by Jesus Christ:
The Lord our God, the Lord is one; and you shall love the Lord with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. And then You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
He said, ”Get behind me Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men”. Here again it is the same choice, either the things of God or the things of Men. We have been battling this choice over the past millennium. We reached a point in the 80’s where the God that we worshipped was Satan.
If you look at the devil in the Rider Waite Tarot Deck, you will notice that the devil is holding the man and woman with chains. However, the chains are not locked, representing the fact that they can leave at any time. That card called the Devil represents our being chained to the material world. In reality the devil is not some horned creature in physical form. It does not require weird ceremonies and the sacrifice of virgins. The devil requires corporate downsizing to increase profits, factory closings to make more money, and the sacrifice of people’s livelihoods for the sake of greed. The Devil requires us to build ourselves up by putting others down. The devil requires that we hate and steal, whether it is a purse or someone’s business, or walking over the homeless on the street without even acknowledging their existence.
It requires that we condemn people because their beliefs are different to ours, or they look different to us. It is an energy that tempts us with the material world and binds us by our passion and our greed for possessions. It is that passion for worldly things, and for power over others, that is the fire of hell. Jesus said, “A grapevine has been planted apart from the Father. Since it is not strong, it will be pulled up by its root and will perish.” Gospel of Thomas
For those things have no soul and cannot lead us in any way to God, but in fact, lead us away. The devil is all things that are void of love.
Many say that there is a battle going on between the forces of light and the forces of darkness. This causes a kind of imagery that I am not at this time comfortable with. Yet, there is a battle being waged now between the Spiritual and the Material. However we describe it the energy is the same. Yet a battle between darkness and light feels like a battle that is going on outside of us. The battle is not outside but is really being waged within. Energy is energy it has no form. We give it form and we direct it. Our choices will decide either which side wins, or if we can find the Wisdom to make peace between the two. There is an Hasidic Quotation that goes as follows :
On the day of destruction, power lies at the bottom of the deep and grows. If a pregnant woman goes into labor in the eighth month, when the time is not yet come, doctors try to stop her labor. But not so in the ninth month. If the woman goes into labor then, doctors try to increase it, so that she may soon give birth. That is why, formerly, when people called to heaven, begging God to free the earth of some misery, their prayer was granted, for the time was not yet come. But now that redemption is near, no prayer which ascends in behalf of the sorrowful world is of avail, but sorrow is heaped upon sorrow, so that the birth may soon be accomplished.
This is the same as saying that while we are learning, if we ask the teacher a question we are immediately given the answer. However, on the day of the final exam we will not be given any answers for now it is time for our knowledge and our ability to learn to be tested. If and how the end comes will depend upon our choices, but it is certainly clear that sorrow upon sorrow is being heaped upon the world. Yet we cannot pray for God to make things better, we must pray for God to give us a chance to make ourselves better.
Everything is catching up to us now. We are destroying the earth and the things of God, so that we may make more room and have more resources for the things of the material world. The more life that we destroy the more nature is destroying us.
Some delusional being decided one day that if we are created in the image of God, then we have to power of God. Over the past two thousand years we have built our own Tower of Babel. We have treated Mother Nature as though she were a thing to suck dry. She lives, and as we are seeing in the Gulf and around the world through disaster after disaster…she reacts.
All of the hatred and prejudice that we each repress is being played out by the racists and terrorists. Yet they are not acting in a vacuum, they are absorbing what has been hidden, the emotions that motivate those who move to segregated neighborhoods although they do not consider themselves prejudice, those who do not approve inter-racial or even inter-religious marriages, yet they do not consider themselves prejudice. It is all of these hidden feelings that are becoming manifest. Christ said, “For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. [And there is nothing buried that will not be raised.]” Gospel of Thomas. In Ecclesiastes 3, there is a time for every purpose under the Sun. This, is the time to reap.
There are those of us who realize that in order to effect change we must open our eyes, however unpleasant, to that which must be changed. There are those who will hide from what is front of their faces and seek a liar to tell sooth them. The ancient alchemists knew that the world “out there” and the world within ourselves is the same. They saw that my separateness from you is the illusion.
Most people have resentments and prejudices that they hide, perhaps even from themselves, but now those feelings are being acted out within our society. We can no longer profess love and compassion we must become love and compassion. We can no longer consider ourselves alone. As an astrologer, I am one of those who believe that the Judgment Day began officially on August 11th 1999, the day of the Great Millennium Eclipse. This is our last chance to connect with our spirit.
We must begin to consider our immediate family one that is global. This generation of souls entered in the Age of Leo, and it is love in its highest form that we must learn. Up till now we have been learning to develop our individual abilities and our individual sense of self. Now in the Age of Aquarius we will be asked to take that love and sense of self and use it to serve the greater good of all. We were not meant to learn this the easy way. Yet how hard it is depends upon us. As it stands, we must learn it through terrorism, disasters, wars, hatred and disease. The good thing is that we still have a choice. We can still change. This moment in history is critical.
The earth is attacking us with a vengeance; we are attacking each other in the same way and will continue to do so until we learn what we are here to learn. Christ said,
Men think, perhaps, that it is peace which I have come to cast upon the world. They do not know that it is dissension which I have come to cast upon the earth: fire, sword, and war. For there will be five in a house: three will be against two, and two against three, the father against the son, and the son against the father. And they will stand solitary.
To stand solitary means to stand united as one. This is the purpose of what we are experiencing and will continue to experience into the new millennium.
Our collective unconscious, the fabric that holds us together has begun to tear apart, to have holes in it, just as the ozone layer has on the physical plane. We no longer have agreements to rely on. We are lost and seeking some firm ground to stand on. People see three sides of every issue, question every rule and break or ignore every law.
Things will change and we will be a part of that change, whether it is through disaster or through love. We have history for us to learn from. How many empires crumble because they become too heavy on top for the foundation to support. We must evenly distribute material of our world because there are cracks in the foundation and it soon will collapse. We can create that change if we begin within our own hearts. The world that we live in is the one that we create. Not merely by our actions but by our true intentions. We must change the world outside by changing the world inside. We must become one in truth. We must find the one truth, because we can no longer agree on any facts.
We are at the end of an Age. We must connect with those five trees, eat their fruits and become them. So it is important to know what the core curriculum was, and that core curriculum has been taught by sages and prophets since the beginning of time. It is the Word of God, spoken in all languages and by all of His incarnations. In this millennium, our teacher in the west has been Jesus Christ. It is time to love. Love someone each day, help someone each day and just give of your heart. We must make the changes in the world by making them within ourselves. It is never too late, not as long as we are here. There is no help that we cannot receive for us to be saved. But we have to choose who we will serve. Heaven will be on earth when it is alive within the hearts of man hearts. We must make every season the season of giving. We are the lost sheep, and when we return to our hearts we will be found. Jesus said:
The (Father’s) kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep. One of them, the largest, went astray. He left the ninety-nine and looked for the one until he found it. After he had toiled, he said to the sheep, ‘I love you more than the ninety-nine.
And those who assumed the form of my type will assume the form of my Word. Indeed, these will come forth in light forever and (in) friendship with each other in the spirit, since they have known in every respect (and) indivisibility that what is, is ONE. (Gnostic Scriptures, The Second Treatise of the Great Seth, Jesus speaking about himself, 65:19-33)
Karma is something that is really misunderstood. It is usually considered something that we earn – we earn good karma or we earn bad karma. Just how do we earn this karma? It seems like we earn it by either doing something good or doing something bad. However, if karma were a bucket the size of the earth, those explanations would be drops the size of mothballs.
Having done a number of past life regressions for people, I have found a whole new appreciation for and understanding of karma, sort of karma for dummies. Karma is really something that we have to learn – plain and simple. Here is an example of karma for myself, in this life. I have carried over into this life a feeling of extreme vulnerability in the physical world. My father was one of those larger than life characters, someone my husband would call a “Mans’ man”. I grew up feeling completely safe with him around. I did not take into considerations his character flaws, I just saw him as a MAN who was tough and strong and so he could keep the monsters away and insure my safety.
As I began dating, I was attracted to men who could protect me. The type of man that many woman are attracted to – MACHO. I was attracted to dragon slayers. I liked men who kept the masses at bay either through their financial power, or that physical energy that some men just emit. I met these men, and, as was my karma, they were equally attracted to me. We would even fall in love, or, more aptly put when referring to karma, we would fall into obsession. After countless disappointments, and sometimes a little violence, I found that the men I attracted to my life were not strong, at least not when it came to a strength that required more than lifting heavy rocks. In the end it always came back to my own strength. It was my karma to take responsibility for myself. Each time I handed over responsibility for my well-being to someone else, I paid a price, in love, in business, in anyway. Another karma that I had was with my self-worth and my lovability. Each time that I turned to someone else to show me that I was worthy, they challenged my worth. Karma is not necessarily about something that you have done to someone else, or to others in general – sometimes, very often, it is about something that you have to do for yourself.
My grandmother believed that she could not be loved for herself; she believed that she had to buy it, or place herself in a position that others needed her. She couldn’t give, although that is what she thought that she was doing – but there was a debt to pay for her giving and somehow in her mind this exchange was as close as she could come to being loved. My grandmother held on to every penny that she could. She did nothing, went nowhere and only used her money to hold on to the people that she loved. She believed that no one really loved her or could love her so she saved every penny. In her mind, no one would be there for her when she was old so she didn’t want to be in a position to have to depend on anyone, who she believed, would only reject her. After an unfortunate and unforeseen karmic turn of events she lost everything and had no choice but to rely on the kindness of strangers. However, those people that she was so sure would not be there for her when she was in need, turned out with open hearts blessing her with all of the love that she never believed possible in her life. That too was karma. It was the karma of learning. It is all the karma of learning.
I have a friend that I regressed to a number of past lives. In each one she was some kind of slave. Someone who was not given any value, except for one life, in which she did find and relish her own value and her own accomplishments after a childhood of being devalued. However, old habits die hard and she brought that same unworthy mindset into this life and was treated as a lesser being by the same souls who had done it to her in her past lives. However in this life she is learning and beginning step by step to assert her own power. And with each experience in which she does this – she finds that those souls who once intimidated her begin to treat her with greater respect. This is karma also. Perhaps with this karmic reinforcement she will become one with her own power and her own worth and the lesson will not require more lives, the karma will have been released. Most times we return to learn our lessons with the same souls but wearing different costumes in a different set. I believe that we choose to experience these lessons with the same souls not because they owe us, or we them, but because that soul level contact awakens in us those feelings that we need to rise above. We are innately intimidated by those who have left us with scars of feeling less than in past lives. Just as we awaken in them a need to treat us in a way that they may not really understand themselves in this lifetime. It is not so much that they do it to us, and then we do it to them. It is better explained as they do it to us over and over again, lifetime after lifetime until we do not allow it anymore. I have often heard someone say to me, “I don’t understand it, I only act this way with you”. It is because this drama is between us. Generally, this drama, repeated over lifetimes on different stages teaches a lesson to all parties involved, and it is repeated until the lessons are learned.
Of course there are the karmas that involve race, religion, social status, and power. Someone may be very poor in one life, and feel enormous resentment towards those who have more. That person may come back again poor, but in the next life that soul has the opportunity to amass great wealth. The lesson is in how they handle that wealth, just as there is a lesson in how one handles poverty. All roads lead to love, compassion, empathy, understanding, acceptance and brotherhood. All of these things must be learned but not just for the benefit of others but equally for the benefit of ourselves. Karma is ultimately about learning the lessons of unconditional love which inevitably leads us to the knowledge that we are all One, and that the totality of that One of which we all are is God.
We write our karma as we go along. We write the plot for our next life in this one. Reincarnation is about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Karma is the path that we walk that mile on so that we may learn the true love of God, of other and of self and know that there is not differentiation between the three. That is the trinity that has existed since the beginning of time and before. Karma is not complicated. It contains no judgment, no punishment and no reward, except perhaps the reward of becoming the Love that we so desperately seek.
“It is not enough for us to say: ‘I love God,’ but I also have to love my neighbor. St. John says that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don’t love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is not true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me.” – Mother Teresa
I am familiar with love and with pain; and when I have felt pain, while loving, the pain was never caused by the act of loving, it was caused by the actions of the ones I loved. To me, it is like a hose – the faucet is turned on, the hose fills up and the water pours out. And so the process is like this, one’s being is filled with love – so filled that it must be released out towards another being, towards God, or even towards nature itself. Still, it is a filling up of the heart and soul with love and so long as that love is being released, the vessel is being constantly filled. Being filled with love leaves no room for pain. I recall a story that Wayne Dyer told about a woman with a disabled daughter, totally bedridden for many years, and for all of those years the mother lovingly stayed by her side, changing her diaper, feeding her, loving her. She did this without it hurting, other than perhaps the empathy that she felt for her daughter. After being moved by the enormous suffering of Mother Teresa I went back over the things that she had said, and I cannot imagine an instance where love hurts.
The act of giving does not hurt either. Again, giving is a gesture from the heart. What does hurt is when we do not give from our hearts but we give because we feel we must. In doing this, we are not giving in essence we are taking from ourselves. Another quote from Mother Teresa which stood out to me was this:
“I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn’t touch a leper for a thousand pounds; yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.”
I was never much on placing importance on the death of Jesus, but I was deeply inspired by his life. I don’t believe that the value of a life should be overshadowed by the manner of death. After all, no matter how you cut it, living takes a lot more work than dying, and living an exemplary life, at any time, trumps an exemplary death. I read a bumper sticker the other day that really brought the point home, it said, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you are car.” In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus’ followers asked him, basically, how to get to Heaven, a question he never seemed to answer to the satisfaction of the questioner.
. His disciples asked and said to him: “Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray, how shall we give alms, what rules concerning eating shall we follow?” Jesus says: “Tell no lie, and whatever you hate, do not do: for all these things are manifest to the face of heaven; nothing hidden will fail to be revealed and nothing disguised will fail before long to be made public!”
When I was young, I was given the impression that I was not really capable of amounting to anything in the world. So, when I became successful in my own business I bought many very expensive things, jewelry, art – things that said I had made it. These were my trophies that I told myself I would never let go of, they proved my ability to succeed. But as my life would have it, my health caused me to leave my business and it reached a point in my life that to keep a roof over the heads of my children, I would have to sell my trophies. They were the only proof that I had left. While I was struggling with this I read a book on the Kabala and it said that we should gather everything that we believe that we can live without in order to give it away, but then, after we have gathered everything that we feel we can manage without we should then double it and give it away. The essence of it was that only the ego attaches to things, only the ego benefits from things, and not the soul. This allowed me to ‘give’ those things for the good of my family without pain, because I knew that in doing so I was purging my ego. My husband, feeling badly for the sacrifice that I had made promised to replace all that I had given, but I did not want them back, giving it opened my heart and freed my ego, I felt gratitude and joy.
Using the parable of the seeds as an example, the things that we do so that God will know our love for Him, are the seeds that fall by the wayside. They are a lie, the heart is not in the action itself. For Mother Teresa to see a leper and feel to herself that she wouldn’t touch him for a thousand pounds, says that in the depth of her heart she does not see Jesus in that leper. The act of curing that leper is an act of doing what you should do, like fasting or going to church, but it is not heartfelt and so the heart derives no joy from the act, in fact, it causes pain because of the feeling of uselessness of the sacrifice. To sacrifice is to make sacred, but only the heart can make sacred.
In Mother Teresa’s youth she was filled with an ecstatic love for Jesus and for the work that he did in his life. She was filled with the spirit of Christianity, but the church robbed her of that. The church robbed her of the loving Jesus, the joyous Jesus, the Jesus free of ego attachments and laws, filled only with the desire to Love, teach and heal his brothers. The church forced her to believe that only through suffering could she find the love of Jesus, only through suffering would she feel the love of Jesus, and worst of all, that only through teaching the value of suffering to others could she save their souls for Jesus. The teachings of the church were in direct contradiction to the yearnings of her heart, and because she believed the church to be the appointed messenger of God, she deafened her heart to its cries, and dedicated herself to the work, but without the spirit in the work, without the love in the work, she was empty and alone, not seeing God and not feeling his Love. She loved Jesus, but she could not feel his love because she was indoctrinated only towards his suffering. There are many Saints who are marked by their “Dark Night Of The Soul”, but each one emerged with a greater sense of mysticism and spirituality and a far lesser sense of righteousness of religious doctrine.
She gave her life to the God that she loved, but she was denied the fullness of His love in her heart, not by God but by the church that taught not the beauty and joy of love, but only the vows of suffering. I feel that it is a crime for her suffering to be used by atheists as proof that there is no God, but I believe equally that it is a crime for the church to use her suffering as an example of the natural path of a true Christian.
The Two Halves:
From Summons it is known that male and female were created together as their two bodies were connected at the backs. There is no energetic connection and no interrelation between them until they disconnect and turn face to face. Rabbi Shimon said that a union of male and female is called “Oneness” because a male without a female is considered as “half person”. A man and a woman are considered by the Kabbalah as one soul that its two halves were enrobed in two physical bodies. Only when the two halves are connected, they become “one” complete soul. And so it happens by the will of God, that from the moment of birth until the moment of union the two halves of the soul are departed and remote from each other. Sometimes the distance is large and the two halves are oceans and continents apart. At the moment of union, they become one essence.
We can keep a body functioning indefinitely through artificial means, but only a soul can give it life. The body kept animated through artificial means is not alive. It is an organic robot. Only the soul can live and only the soul can love. When we love, it is not something that we create, and it is not something that we discover – it is something that we remember. The person with whom we share love has awakened within our souls a memory of divine union, a perfect fit that can only be created spiritually. So the idea of making someone fall in love with us, is to me, unnatural.
Love is a cord that connects us to our spiritual source. If real, it offers us a glimpse of that which is beyond knowing. It opens our hearts not simply to the object of our love, but to love itself, the love and oneness of all. It is divine and it is eternal. Of that love, it is possible to say, that “it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved”. It is possible to say this because, if authentic, it is never lost. Just as it is never found, it is remembered; it is awakened. There is the story told in many forms of a person who wishes for the love of another and a genie, a fairy, or some acquired spell, brings to that person the lover that they wanted. And soon, in every tale, that person who longed for the love of the other becomes heartbroken overwhelmed by despair knowing that the love, however devoted and beautiful, is manipulated, manufactured, soulless.
There are books teaching the art of attracting a marriage partner. In the end, it is never satisfying believing that we made someone else love us. Love comes from the same source as life. It is the reunion of souls promised to each other before birth. Anything else is a cheap knockoff, an ultimately painful fit. In advertising artists create hamburgers that look mouthwatering. But to eat one, would make you sick, if it did not kill you because it is not made of food, it is made to look like food. This is the same as creating a persona to lure a partner into our lives. The persona is empty, and betrays both parties, poisons them or just leaves them malnourished.
We enter this dream that we call life, into a family. That family is chosen because all of the needs of all of the participating souls can be met through this union. The individual souls in this family may not be related to all or any of the other souls within it. They into this family because they will be bound together long enough and in the type of social environment that requires the working through of whatever issues they came in to deal with. Children choose their families because they will be trapped within this unit long enough to be imprinted with whatever is needed for their spiritual growth on this material plane. Our experience within this family is determined by whether we are meant to grow within it or from our ability to survive and escape it.
Sometimes a family comes together because there is karma to be balanced between souls within the unit. The souls have so little in common that no other situation would bind them in a way that would resolve it. This is a union built on the loving premise of growth, but not necessarily the loving bond that exists between soul mates.
The idea of family here, (as above so below) comes from the knowledge of our spiritual family. They never desert us. They are always somewhere in the vicinity of times of need. Sometimes our paths are too different to allow time for more than a chance meeting and the words that we need to hear in that moment. We call them Angels, and they are, but in the sense that is personal to us. Sometimes they gather as friends circle around us from a distance, and somehow, as we draw closer to a time of great trial, the circle draws nearer and nearer until at the moment that we are in our greatest need, they are around us to catch us if we fall, and protect us from incoming assaults. We call them friends, but they are brothers and sisters of our souls and have been since we, together, chose to venture into this valley of the shadow of death. This love is expressed with or without words. This love, the love of our soul family hears the cries of our hearts and not the protests of our egos. It is another form of love. It cannot be bought, it cannot be built, it can only be realized. It was before time, and will be after time, that is why time and circumstance have no effect on it.
We are sparks of the Divine, we are ideas. The Divine contains innumerable ideas, and innumerable manifestations of each one. A soul family consists of many expressions of one manifestation of one idea. So, at the core, and within all channels that flow from the core – we fit. The fit allows flow. We are words in a sentence, we each have a place as noun, pronoun, adjective, verb, adverb, etc… Together we flow. Together we have a meaning that cannot be misinterpreted and so, with so complete an understanding there is no judgment, no competition because we all have a place in the Divine sentence that we express. This is love.
I have a very close friend who came in to learn and grow through the suffering that can be contained in relationships. And her reward is the experience of love in the highest state attained through a relationship. Only for all of the years that I have known her, it has been a painful string of suffering. I tried to tell her to stop the relationships and find some joy in being alone. Of course, although that sounded like the logical thing to do, I was not wise enough at the time to realize that the track, the only track that her train could ride was the track of relationships. So, we agreed that I would use Astrology and any other gifts that she had to sensor all of the applicants for the role of her partner. That got tired very quickly as she, too long in between relationships inundated me with birth data for each woman that she met. And I realized that by the time I found the paper that I had written the information on, she would already be over the woman or the woman over her. So, I stopped putting effort into figuring out who was right or wrong, because history had proven that none of them were right. But I did notice one thing. Every woman that she wanted to be “the one”, all looked alike. She had a very definite type.
One day she asked me to look at a chart and before I gave it any thought, I actually did. Then she asked me to look at the woman’s picture which entailed much more work than I would have ever done under normal circumstances. So, as I was logging in here, and searching there, it occurred to me that somewhere inside I must know that this is the “one”. When I finally made my way to the woman’s picture, two thoughts ran through my mind simultaneously. One was that this woman was her type, and the other was, that this was the “one”. As hard as it was to make a commitment to something that my logical mind had long since disregarded as possible, I told her this was the one. And when they met, it was instantly clear to each of them that each was the one the other was dreaming of, praying for and seeking.
For me, I felt that I had learned something very new. I learned that all of the women who physically fit the mold of my friend’s type, were not her type at all. Imprinted in her psyche was the image of her true other half. She could make it out enough to fall head over heels with everyone who resembled her eternal lover. And the great Unnamable, Unknowable One, dressed each soul committed to teach her the lessons that she needed to discover her power, value, and greatness in bodies that would draw her to them like a moth to a flame.
We cannot attract a sunny day, nor control the direction and strength of an earthquake. Putting on a raincoat will not entice the rain to fall, nor will putting on a sundress lure the rain to stop. No amount of money, or the toys that money can buy, and no amount of doors money can open or connections that money can bring, can come close to helping us to survive what lies ahead of us, once we realize that all we have has come at the cost of love. If courage comes after we do the thing that we most fear, and not before, then it is understandable that full belief in our value and our worthiness of being loved, comes after we have risked allowing ourselves to be loved without seeking the answer to why. One, who will love us, will first see our souls, and love them fully. Then, as an afterthought, will notice that the material manifestation of who we are, is beautiful too, but the thing is, that this will be seen through the eyes of love so it will be seen as a reflection of the inner being that is loved. This is why, we grow old together, yet, our love does not see old. It sees the ageless, timeless, unchanging beauty that can only be love.
The first man I fell truly, madly, deeply for was the first man who broke my heart.When I met him, I believed that I had found my forever.I would not let anyone tell me otherwise, though many tried.He saw me and loved me for who I was and that was all that mattered to me.
It began to deteriorate after about nine months.I begun compromising myself for the sake of keeping the relationship going.After a year he was not the man that I fell in love with, but what was so much more painful was that I was not the woman he fell in love with.I was not even the woman who fell in love with him.
To why I lost you
Lies in the place
I left me.
No one ever leaves a relationship before its expiration date.I don’t care if it the immediate cause is another woman, another man, or just a better life.The relationship had already reached a point of diminishing return.Most of us have a tendency to stay in a relationship long after it has become moldy and begun to stink up our lives.We stay for many reasons, but the greatest reason is the emotional investment.It is like investing in a stock.We invest in a great stock and as it rises in value we increase our investment.Then it starts going down, little by little.We hold – knowing that it will go up again; we hope that it will go up again at least enough to break even.We don’t sell because until we sell, we don’t realize the loss.
In a relationship, the initial investment is time is very low in comparison to the enormous return of happiness.We invest our love, our dreams, our beliefs, then our trust and commitment. If it begins to lose the value that it once had, we start increasing our investment by over-compensating, giving more of ourselves, giving all of ourselves, and in the end, giving up ourselves. When that does not work, and the signs of a failed relationship begin to show to the world – we up the ante by investing our pride, and as a last resort our integrity.Then one party finds a way out – finds a way to recoup some of his or her emotional investment through another woman or man.Someone who will re-establish the value, the self worth that we feel we have lost through having over invested in a relationship that has nothing left to return.But this does not happen out of the blue, if it’s an affair, it is kept secret while the other partner still believes both are equally vested, even if they are vested in a sinking stock.Yet, it’s not equal.One partner is secretly siphoning off his share of the emotional investment and putting it into another stock.This doesn’t have to be another person, it could be a plan to see the world, join an ashram, it doesn’t matter.One partner had found a way to begin rebuilding his emotional portfolio while the other still believes they are in it together.One partner has his entire being immersed in the relationship while the other has been quietly extricating herself.Then – when the departing partner feels secure enough that the new investment will assist in recouping what was lost.He or she abruptly – in the eyes of the partner being left behind – closes the account.All of the emotional losses fall on the partner who remained.
By the time a relationship comes to an end through the actions of one of the partners, the only thing left the investment is its definition.The one who was left behind believed that, as long as there was a shell and two participants, there was hope, and, even more importantly, believed that he had nothing left to leave with – everything was spent, was invested.A relationship ends when it has stopped growing, the only reason anything stops growing is that it is dead.The only thing that happens when one party ends the relationship is, the loss is realized by the partner left behind.By the time one party leaves a relationship the only thing left to do is bury the rotting corpse.There is no bond left, there is no shared vision, no shared desire, no shared hopes – nothing left to save or to hold onto.
It is devastating to be left.This is true even if most of the time we can no longer stand to see our partner’s face, because by this time the lack of return is equal to our diminished expectations. By this time our only hope is that our partner is willing to settle for as little as we are.It hurts to be left, and when it happens we just want that person back, it doesn’t matter if they are mean to us, or abusive to us, or ignores us, or humiliate us, we just want him back.But if we stop to think about what we are willing to endure to have that person return, we will realize that the things that we are now willing to endure are things that we would never have considered suffering for anyone.Of course, those were things that we would never do when we still had self-respect.And it feels very much like that leaves with our former other half.The reason that we are willing to humiliate ourselves is not because we want that person back.It is because we want ourselves back. We don’t want the person back who left us; we just want to be unleft.We don’t want to feel like someone worthless enough to be left behind, it’s not about the one who leaves us – it’s about what we feel that we are left with.
A funny thing happened to me on my way to, “Losers Anonymous”.I heard a song that had one line in it that said, “Every cloud don’t have a silver lining”.It is funny, but that changed my life.I realized that he was, or at least had become an a—hole, and there was no silver lining in this cloud.It wasn’t the loss of him, or even of us that I was mourning so deeply, it was the belief that I could have made it work because it was workable.It was workable because every cloud has a silver lining.It was workable because I believe that ‘all you need is love’.So, if I had love then I was just the biggest loser in the world because nothing else could explain my standing here alone.But that song made me realize that if something has a limited shelf life, like my relationship had, I did not lose it, break it, mess it up, or ruin it.
I had made a huge emotional investment in the relationship.But the only way that I would be forced to realize a loss, was if I still believed that there was something left for him to offer me.And I really didn’t – we left each other long before he left the relationship.So, what I lost was the part of me that I invested in the relationship and if I could now gain insight and growth, I would not only recoup my investment, but I could turn a profit, because the stock of Me, Inc. had risen remarkably.Whenever someone walks out, they are doing us a favor because for us, there just is no more water in that well.Those we love may die, and cause us to feel a temporary sense of separation, but anyone who we truly love will never leave us in spirit. They move on to what is next for their growth, and allow us to do the same, and all in the spirit of the love that we shared.
Regardless of what we tell ourselves in the moment while we are looking at our joint plans shattered on the floor around us, we knew that we had nothing more to share with the one who left long before the door closed behind him.And after the pity party, and the hangover – comes the enlightenment of a new and stronger sense of self-worth and an even greater sense of power than we ever had before the experience.
I found strength
I found truth
I found trust
In being lost
I found my way
And in rejection
I found myself.