There Are No Mistakes or Poor Choices – Only Undesirable Outcomes

How many times have you said, “If only I could go back and do __________ again”?  Well, the thing is, if you could go back and do it again, you would do it exactly the way that you did it.  The only way that you could have done it differently would have been if you had advance knowledge of the outcome.  Since we are not given advance notice of the outcomes of our decisions, we make the only appropriate decision or choice.

When we are babies, we make our decisions based upon our natures.  Do I take that?  Do I try this?  Do I stick this thing in my mouth?  Our inner natures are as unique to us as our fingerprints, or a zebra’s stripes.  Then, we make our next tier of decisions based upon the outcomes of the last.  Did it hurt?  Did it incur disapproval?  Did it taste like #$%^?  The outcomes of those natural impulses guide our next level of choices.

Later, as children, we begin to make choices according to our natural instincts, tempered by the outcome of our prior choices and now, further tempered by the norms established in our home environment.  Steps, one step leading to the next, and to the next, and so on, always following a natural order.

Then, we go to school and encounter peers.  They add a new layer to our decision making process.  Any decisions that we make at that time, are based upon the progression of each of the previous steps.  Each of those steps colors our perception of the world of choices and decisions that we face each day.  And each step adds a tint to the world that we perceive. 

 

I don’t know where it came from, but, as far back as I can remember I felt an overwhelming sense of duty and responsibility.  As a child, I was to ‘good’ one.  This was not the one that I wanted to be.  Clearly, I envied the ‘bad’ ones, they had so much more fun.  But I felt compelled to be good.  And it was a thankless choice.  I was like the brother who stayed home and did his chores while the Prodigal Son had a ball, blew his inheritance and then was thrown a party for coming home broke (that one was my sister).

After escaping my Cinderella childhood, my mother and my grandmother both lost their ability to walk and so, I bought a house and moved them in.  One day I was complaining about how horrible it was reliving my childhood in spades, at 33 years old my friend said to me, “Well, it was your choice!”  Never for one minute, during the entire process of inviting them to live with me, did I consider it to be a choice.  For me, for who I was and my perception of the world, it was not a choice it was what I had to do.

Now, I could say that if I had it to do over again, I would have done it differently.  But that is not true.  There are only two possible ways that I would have made a different choice.  One way would have been if I had known how badly it was going to turn out.  The other, would have been had I been born someone else, and raised by other people.  I made no choice.

You see as much as we believe that we make choices, in retrospect, it has to be clear that we do not.  Whether we know it or not, we are doing what is the only clear thing to do based upon our perception of the issue.  It is just like voting.  We choose to vote for a candidate who best represents what we perceive as the right things.  Humans do not make choices.  We take the next logical step based upon who we are and the life that we have lived.  If we had it to do all over again, with no future insight and no additional input from some new sources, we would do it all over again in exactly the same way that we did it the first time.

This means, that we act in accordance with who we are, and what we believe is the best way to act within the options that we perceive available.  We never make the wrong choice, we never make a mistake, we act, at all times, appropriately.  We make our decisions in a manner that is completely consistent and appropriate.   If a fiction writer is good, he or she will develop a character that is complete enough, that we believe his choices and can foresee the direction that he will take.  A good writer will give a character believability – which means that his or her actions will be consistent with that character.  This means, that in real life, unless we are crazy, our decisions will also follow a consistent path, a path that is true to who we are and how we have incorporated the outcomes of prior actions into ourselves.

Understanding this, understanding that I will always follow a path that is true to who I am, and where I believe that I fit in my perceived world, means, that I do not make choices.  I do not make mistakes, my actions reflect who I am and what I see – through the eyes of who I am.  Today, I would not make all of the choices that I made yesterday – only – because I know how they all turned out, only – because the way that they turned out has given me new experiences from which to draw and grow into who I am today.

So, don’t buy into failure, don’t buy into mistakes.  Believe, that each step appears before us to lead us to the next – no errors – no missteps – only lessons.  The outcome of each step is  not the result of our choices but the next step that Spirit places before us.

 

Choosing Our Own Way

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor Frankl

Often, we decide what the right direction is for us based on what it is for others. Then we find that we are stuck with a goal without the necessary desire to reach it. A person may decide to go into his own business because he does not like authority. He does not consider how much he hates paperwork, long hours, paying people from money that he has not yet earned, and that he can’t do it all by himself. Instead of looking within to find what the real problems are and what the personal solutions might be —he looks outside to see what others had done.

This is the kind of confusion that we are faced with when we try to follow guidance from outside, and not of from within. When this choice becomes difficult, instead of seeking a different solution, most people just stick with the plan but find any number of obstacles to place in their paths to prevent its completion. They tell themselves and others that it is not that they won’t do it; it is just that there are too many things going on which currently stand in their way. What is really in their way is that it is not their goal. They do not have the passion to walk the chosen path. If we have no passion for what we do with our lives, we cannot do those things well or for long without getting sick, or off balance in some way.

This causes us to consciously face a direction that we are unconsciously running away from. This results in deadlock. I have seen many people in this position one way or another. They complain that everyone else gets opportunities except them; something always gets in their way. Or it is their karma to fail. That is just not true. What they are doing is building their lives from the plans of others. They are making choices based upon the successes of others. It is easier to walk the beaten path than to pave ones own. There was a time when that it worked for most people. Now, we are in an age of individuality. Difficult as it may seem, we are being forced from an inner need for satisfaction from a constant lack of external reinforcement to forge our own path to our own goal.

We have traveled far from that sacred connection to our true selves. Instead of deciding at which place we want to arrive, we first need to decide what inner satisfaction awaits us there, how much we are willing to sacrifice, and most importantly, before we follow another’s path, we must be certain that where others have gone holds the same treasure for us. Once we know the price we are willing to pay, and what it is that we really expect for that price, we have something that we are capable of working with. There really are two different soul paths: those for whom the destination justifies the journey and those for whom the journey is the destination.

It is not a question of one being the right way, and one being the wrong way. It is a question of which way is right for each individual. Some of us become workaholics because we want more and more; we do it for the prize at the end. Others become workaholics because their joy comes from the work they do. Again, neither is right nor wrong. To try to develop the attitude that others say is right, or to attempt to see the truth as others see it, can only lead to miserable and unfulfilled lives, if it is not our own way. There is a difference between what feels right and what others say is right. In these times, we are being asked to find that difference for ourselves.

Those who live their lives based on what works for others cannot remain committed to what they do. Who we are is what dictates what we can do well. We can only do well and for a sustained period of time, that which is in alignment with who we are. Otherwise self-esteem suffers; either we feel like failures, or we feel unsatisfied which leads us to feeling that we are defective because we are missing what we have been told is the obvious.

This is a time when personal truth, rather than conformity is needed for our own inner well-being and for the well being of the whole, every aspect of our living must reflect the inner self. The Native American names such as: Lone Eagle, Running Bear, Night Watcher, are given based on the persons own unique qualities. They are invited to live their lives in fulfillment of those names. There was a time when we all took names that mirrored who we were. We were once in touch with ourselves and with our environment. We are being asked by our souls to return to that ancient spiritual center. We are being called from within to live who we are, to love who we are, and to do what reflects who we are. This is the dawning of a new age, an age of truth. We neither find happiness, nor satisfaction in living anyone else’ s life. No one ever stands in the way of those who know where they are going. We have to go where we know from within.
When the world was disconnected, and there were such a things as distant shores, the structure of society was much stronger. The strength of a society or a religion to influence its members or followers rests strongly on the limitations of outside information that could otherwise be an influence or create choices that do not exist within the structure. The rules worked, not because they were right but because they were the only rules and pertained to everyone.

Since the end of WWII, slowly but consistently distant shores have become neighbors. Members of completely different societies have been unable to prevent the exchange of information. The world of yellow and the separate world of blue remain intact and self-fulfilling so long as yellow remains separate from blue. The rules of right and wrong, and even cause and effect work for all members of the yellow society or religion as they do for the blue although they may be in total contradiction with each other. However, when the members of the blue group and the members of the yellow group begin to mingle and share beliefs and information, a new green group emerges which inevitably destroys both the yellow and the blue. It does this because suddenly there exists and option, a choice, a way not previously known to either yellow or blue. In actuality it does not destroy the two separate groups but instead it is what they become, the product of their evolution.

The internet has completed the erasure of true borders, the world has now become a melting pot, and so, we can no longer look to any external governing principal for our lives, and how we live them or the direction that will work. We must now look within. There are too many truths ‘out there’ to find the one that will work; we must now journey deep into our own hearts and our own souls to find the truth that supersedes contradiction. This is the inner truth.

Mankind has mastered the lessons of leadership and brute force in the Age of Aries; it mastered the lessons of the herd mentality, the pain, suffering and fear of standing outside of the group, and the manipulations of power in the age of Pisces. It has now entered the school of equality through individuality. In this course, pain and suffering will come from inside when we feel our sense of self diminished. These are the ultimate challenges and lessons of the Age of Aquarius. It is not the energy of the individual merging and losing itself into the group but rather the group growing and becoming greater through the distinctly unique contribution of each individual. We are beginning to suffer depression and illness – not from being isolated from the group, but from being isolated from the self. Many of us think to ourselves, ‘I have what everyone says that I should have, I do what everyone says I should do, my life contains all of the pieces that everyone says should make me happy, yet, the pieces will not fit and I am slowly dying’.

Most people are too embarrassed to admit the panic and confusion that overtakes them when someone says, “Just be yourself”. The truth is, very few people know how to do that, or who that self is. So our first step in finding a fulfilling direction is finding the self that is seeking fulfillment and becoming an expression of that true and unique self living within each of us.